Take a Look at the World's Largest Solar Thermal Farm

When completed in late 2013, the $2.2 billion Ivanpah Solar Electric Generating System will power 140,000 California homes.

The Mojave Desert is blooming. Construction crews are erecting mirrors —each measuring 70 square feet—at a rate of 500 per day across some 3,500 acres. When completed in late 2013, the $2.2 billion Ivanpah Solar Electric Generating System—the largest of its type in the world—will power 140,000 California homes.

Unlike photovoltaic technology, which converts solar radiation directly into electricity, the Ivanpah facility generates heat. More than 170,000 mirrors will gather tremendous amounts of sunlight and focus it on three towers filled with water, raising temperatures to more than 1,000 degrees Fahrenheit and producing steam that spins turbines that generate electricity. The Oakland-based company BrightSource Energy, which is overseeing construction by the Bechtel corporation, says that using sunlight instead of fossil fuels to power the turbines will reduce carbon emissions by more than 400,000 tons annually. The desert region—thanks to its elevation and clear, dry air—receives reliable sunlight 330 to 350 days per year.

Not everyone thinks the solar plant represents a brighter future. Environmentalists warn that the construction threatens the desert ecosystem, while the heated plumes of air from the towers could singe migrating birds.

But more than 75 percent of Californians say they support using desert lands for renewable energy production. And come next year, when Ivanpah flips the on switch, it will nearly double the amount of solar thermal energy produced in the United States.

 9

Playing Angry Birds using with the Tobii X120 Eye Tracker

  

Demo of Hand Free 3D Angry Birds game prototype: This game uses the Tobii X120 Eye Tracker to control the bird and blink detection to launch the bird from the slingshot.

Sony continues by stating that the gesture sensor may be a standard or 3-D video camera. It will be appreciated that multiple cameras and/or depth may be used to determine the user's gestures. Sony states that "In one particular embodiment, the gesture sensor is the Kinect device or a similar Kinect-like device," which is why Sony listed the Tobii products that we linked to above. In February we noted in one of our reports that Microsoft was in talks with Sony to license Kinect.

Turning Your Hand Into a Remote Control

Digits takes motion control to a new level. Photo courtesy of Microsoft Research

Yes, Microsoft rolled out Windows 8 yesterday and yes, it’s the company’s biggest high-stakes launch in a long time and yes, it’s its first real plunge into the world of tablets and smart phones. Plenty of others are already covering that ground. I’d rather talk about a little device Microsoft unveiled earlier this month, something far lower on the hoopla scale.

It’s called Digits and it’s one special bracelet. But this is not some flashy bangle that dangles; this is a wrist sensor capable of turning your hand into a control unit.

Created by a team of Microsoft researchers in Great Britain, Digits uses sensors and an infrared camera to put a little Kinect device on your wrist. But the key is that it’s not tethered to a game system, plus it’s focused entirely on your hand and anything you do with it.

Motion slickness

Digits is the latest thing in motion control, tech that creates a 3D model of your hand in real time, allowing you to point to items or content on a screen rather than moving a cursor around with a mouse. Or it could, as some think, evolve into the device that ultimately replaces the TV remote.

As David Kim, one of its inventors, explains: “People can interact while moving from room to room or running down the street. This finally takes 3D interaction outside the living room.”

Now you may ask, “What are you going to do with a wrist-mounted sensor when you’re running down the street?” This is a good question. Not sure if even anyone at Microsoft could give you a good answer. The point is that this is a device that goes with you, a virtual controller that one day could allow you to interact with any number of screens–whether it’s to control a TV or dial phone numbers or play video games.

For now, it’s a clunky thing--Steve Jobs would never have permitted the public even a glimpse of something so devoid of sleekness. But Digits is much more about function than form. It’s still a prototype, one whose focus is more about working well than looking good. Eventually, though, Microsoft hopes to be able to scale it down to something that looks and feels more like a watch.

And maybe then we’ll be able to take the bold step of losing the TV remote with forethought, and perhaps a little malice.

Not Even the Greeks Thought the World Was Flat, But These People Do

Image: NASA

Long, long ago, people sailing away from their homes worried about falling off the edge of the Earth. They truly believed that the Earth was flat, and before we had satellites and space travel and world traveling, it wasn’t that crazy of a thing to believe. But there are some people today who claim to still believe that the Earth is flat. Life’s Little Mysteries explains the main theory:

The leading flat-earther theory holds that Earth is a disc with the Arctic Circle in the center and Antarctica, a 150-foot-tall wall of ice, around the rim. NASA employees, they say, guard this ice wall to prevent people from climbing over and falling off the disc. Earth’s day and night cycle is explained by positing that the sun and moon are spheres measuring 32 miles (51 kilometers) that move in circles 3,000 miles (4,828 km) above the plane of the Earth. (Stars, they say, move in a plane 3,100 miles up.) Like spotlights, these celestial spheres illuminate different portions of the planet in a 24-hour cycle. Flat-earthers believe there must also be an invisible “antimoon” that obscures the moon during lunar eclipses.

As a side note, it’s actually not true that most people long believed the Earth was flat. In fact,according to this note in the Irish Times, we’ve known about the roundness of the Earth for quite a while:

The roundness of the earth was well known to the ancient Greeks, as it was to educated Romans, Arabs and medieval Christian monks. Thomas Aquinas, writing in the 13th century, took for granted that his readers would already be familiar with this fact: “the same scientific truth belongs to different sciences: thus both the physicist and the astronomer prove the earth to be round.” All this is, of course, well before the advent of “science” in the current sense of the word. The era of modern science is generally accepted to have begun around the beginning of the 17th century, with the work of Kepler, Galileo and Newton – who would all have been as familiar with the roundness of the earth as we are today.

That context makes today’s flat earthers even more unusual: Not even the Ancient Greeks thought the Earth was flat. The question arises: are these people serious? Well, according to Life’s Little Mysteries, yes, they are. The site spoke with Michael Wilmore, the vice president of the Flat Earth Society:

“The question of belief and sincerity is one that comes up a lot,” Wilmore said. “If I had to guess, I would probably say that at least some of our members see the Flat Earth Society and Flat Earth Theory as a kind of epistemological exercise, whether as a critique of the scientific method or as a kind of ‘solipsism for beginners.’ There are also probably some who thought the certificate would be kind of funny to have on their wall. That being said, I know many members personally, and I am fully convinced of their belief.”

Wilmore counts himself among the true believers. “My own convictions are a result of philosophical introspection and a considerable body of data that I have personally observed, and which I am still compiling,” he said.

And flat-earthers don’t really fit into the usual conspiracy theory group —the kinds of people who think that the moon landing was a hoax or that aliens walk among us. Instead, they’re just concerned about the shape of our home planet. And while they’re wrong—wronger than even the Greeks were about the nature of the world—they really do believe.

10 things why people feared hitler

People fear Hitler for many reasons, the Holocaust and death of millions of civilians comes to mind when you utter his name. Aside from his freaky action, brutality, and complete insanity, here are ten more reasons to fear Hitler.

Shitheads Come in All Sizes

Scumbag

Just The Facts

1. Hitler never took of his coat in public. He definitely had a lot to hide.
2. His mother considered aborting him, only to be convinced otherwise by her doctor (dick!)
3. Hitler gave the world the blow-up dolls

10 Things Why People Feared Hitler

1. Hitler never took of his coat in public. He definitely had a lot to hide.

2. Alois Hitler, Hittler's brother always feared his brother will revoke his liquor license.

3. Any many who does not have interest in sports or working out, Hitler showed no such interest and that's not his worst offense.

4. His mother considered aborting him, only to be convinced otherwise by her doctor (dick!) Hitler had one testicle and with that he went one to slaughter millions on innocent civilians.

5. He likes to view wild animal acts only if females' performers are in danger. Also he liked King Kong so much that he would celebrate victories by pounding his chest, insulting King Kong himself.

6. He liked Jewish and gypsy music singers and enjoyed Jewish comedians, but that would not stop him from butchering them and their families. Had he resented them, what would have happened?

7. He enjoyed viewing videos of torture and executions where he instructed his own staff to film those for him. Hitler enjoyed watching pornography. (No, that does niot make you evil for your pornography addiction.

8. He liked sugar a bit too much; Ernst Hanfstaengl once witnessed Hitler adding spoonfuls of sugar to a glass of red wine. Of course you have to be super hyper to be as crazy this Hitler.

9. Hitler had sex with his niece, who will later commit suicide or so we are told.

10. Hitler gave the world the blow-up dolls in his efforts to meet the sexual needs of his soldiers-yes, the blow up dolls had to be white.

Bonus: In New York alone, a phone book had 22 Hitlers prior to WWII. Once the war was over, the NY phone book had 0 Hitlers after WWII.

6 Sci-Fi Technologies You'll Soon Have on Your Phone

Cellphones define our times in the way that cars defined the early 20th century: They're the clearest, most tangible sign that we truly live in the Future. Impressive new cellphone technologies are being developed each week, and there's no telling what wonderful procrastination possibilities our portable speak-boxes will have in a few years.

Because we're telling you right now, some of this stuff borders on magic ...

#6. Touchscreens With the Texture of Fur, Sand or Anything Else

Modern cellphone technology offers all manner of audiovisual achievements, and even the ever-elusive Smell-a-Vision seems bound to make an appearance sooner or later. Yet there's one sense that even the most accomplished smartphone is unable to stimulate: touch. Sure, the manufacturers try, but at the end of the day, the vibration function is just a buzzer and the touchscreen is just a hunk of glass that you tap while it autocorrects your words into nonsense. But what if they made the touch feedback system so good that the screen under your fingers would turn into fur, or sand, or brick? That shit isn't science, it's witchcraft.

But Science, maintaining careful eye contact, courteously flips that statement the bird. Because not only do they have the technology all figured out, but it's totally going to hit the market within a few years.

You could be TouchSkyping your grandpa by 2015.

In fact, there are two different ways of achieving the seemingly impossible. A company called Immersion is developing a more sophisticated version of the vibration function. Using a set of advanced, localized vibrations, the technology is able to manipulate your sense of touch to make you think that the smooth touchscreen has ridges and bumps. Add a correct set of vibrations to a picture of, say, a tiled wall, and you'll be able to feel all the bumps and cuts of the surface as if it were real.

Getty
Which is great news for everyone with a kitchen tile fetish.

Another, even more impressive version of the technology is under development by a new company called Senseg. Their approach utilizes the Coulomb force, better known as the static electricity that causes a balloon to stick to your hair when you rub it. Manipulating the electrostatic forces between the touchscreen and your skin, Senseg can induce sensations of different surfaces, but the technology also actually enables the user to push a virtual marble around the screen and make it feel like a real object.

Guardian
"Alright, that's enough rocks. Bring on the taint page."

Think of the applications of this technology. For one thing, forget about people who still insist on slide-out keyboards for their phones -- this could mimic the feel of plastic buttons under your fingers. People who have lost their sight could operate their iPads without a problem -- all they'd have to do is switch the language to Braille. Virtual cats and dogs could be petted just like real ones. And let's not even discuss the hordes of inevitable iBoobs apps, because otherwise we'll be here all night.

#5. Phones That Can Smell and See Disease

Whenever cellphones and cancer are mentioned in the same sentence, said sentence tends to exist on a view-hungry news site and include the words "may cause." Researchers at NASA decided to approach the issue from the other direction: Wouldn't it be cool if we could diagnose cancer with our phones? After all, they're essentially small computers that we constantly keep about our person. They then proceeded to bring their dream to reality in the strangest way possible: by giving your phone the ability to smell disease.

Getty
"You have (1) new message and (4) new strains of hepatitis."

They achieved this by devising a tiny sensor that, once installed in your phone, is able to pick apart the chemical compounds in your breath. The chip is about the size of a nickel and works with 32 sensors that allow it to "smell" predetermined levels of various chemicals. Said chemicals, incidentally, include chlorine, carbon monoxide, ammonia and methane -- so it really does seem like we're going to also wind up with a fart-detection app in the process.

Gizmodo
And then it'll scream "IT WAS STEVE" and send a text to everyone.

By analyzing the chemical levels in someone's breath, the phone will be able to determine whether they have a number of diseases, including lung cancer and diabetes.

If you don't feel like waiting and want your diagnosis-by-phone right now, look no further than the University of Michigan. They have very recently developed, no kidding, a phone app that can totally see if you have skin cancer. All you have to do is take 23 pictures of yourself and run them by the app -- it will analyze the pores and crevices of your skin for anomalies and diagnose the shit out of you.

The application comes with a catch, though: All those pictures have to be from different angles and you must be butt naked. So unless you're really flexible, or really really handy with the camera timer, you're going to have to ask a friend to help you out.

Getty
"Hey man, could you take a picture of my taint? It's for cancer research this time, I promise."

#4. Cameras That Scan Your Food for Bacteria

Tens of thousands of people are affected by E. coli every year, and anyone who has witnessed the ... splashier elements of the situation tends to make sure to cook the hell out of meat before eating it from then on. But what about when eating at restaurants? You may keep your kitchen sterile, but can you say the same for Taco Bell?

Getty
Just grill it a little longer.

Well, one of those E. coli sufferers was apparently a researcher at UCLA, and between bouts of rage-diarrhea he made a sacred vow to combat E. coli with all the science he could muster ... however, the entirety of his scientific might revolved around cellphones. Or, you know, maybe UCLA just happened to be dabbling in the the area of portable bacteria readers. Whatever the backstory may be, UCLA has created a handy cellphone add-on that can be easily attached to the phone's camera.

Much like Instagram, you use it exclusively to take pictures of your food. Unlike Instagram, it will then proceed to potentially save your life.

Getty
E. coli is so played out. #lunch #hospital

Through several filters and something called a "quantum dot," the device uses fluorescent imaging to detect the level of dangerous E. coli strands on your food. If you're of a sci-fi mindset, the fact that you'll get to start every meal by scanning it with a purple-light-emitting gadget is a bonus.

RSC Publishing
"Honey, please put the phone down and start eating." "In a second, just one more time!"

An even bigger bonus is the fact that the device mercifully neglects to notice any other bacteria you have on your food ... because honestly, if you saw the truth, you'd probably never willingly eat again.

3. Apps That Act as Your Therapist

Depression is a massive bastard to diagnose and treat, not to mention actually endure. When your mood is sinking and your thoughts are as black as Norwegian metal, there can be times when nothing seems worth doing anymore. You haven't left the house for days ... and then, out of nowhere, your phone rings and a recorded message tells you to get off your ass and go meet a friend.

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"Maybe take a shower, too. Just a suggestion."

It's called Mobilyze, it lives in your phone and it can tell what your mental state is. It watches your whole life: The system gathers data from GPS, Bluetooth, Wi-Fi and accelerometers -- all standard fare in most smartphones. Through special algorithms, Mobilyze uses this data to determine if you're showing signs of depression, and reacts accordingly.

So if your phone's GPS says you haven't been leaving the house, or your Wi-Fi displays abnormal activity, Mobilyze will start sending you motivational texts and recorded messages in an attempt to get you to pick yourself up and venture out into the world. If that sounds trite and silly to you, the research says the process actually works. Like a boss.

Northwestern University
"You seem stuck in a rut. Have you considered arson?"

Researchers at Northwestern University installed Mobilyze in the phones of several seriously depressed patients. By the time the experiment period was over, each and every participant was showing a much better mood. Alhough we're not sure whether this is because of the messages Mobilyze was sending them or if they just regained their energy by hating that goddamn phone that rings every five minutes.

#2. Phones That Unlock Your Doors (Without Touching Anything)

We've all faced doors the hard way: coffee in one hand, a bag in the other, hot dog wedged in your mouth, desperately fumbling for the key while attempting to keep the scalding-hot liquid from spilling down your pants. But what if the tiny cellphone in your pocket could save you from those nasty espresso burns by unlocking the door for you? And what if it could do so without any commands, byreading tiny vibrations that run through your body?

Getty
"Oh God. Science, hurry the hell up."

Through the use of piezoelectric technology, researchers at AT&T have developed a smartphone that tells your door who you are. When you touch the doorknob, the phone sends vibrations -- so subtle that you can't feel them -- through your bones and up into the doorknob, opening the lock. Each phone will have a unique vibration "key" that resonates with the corresponding door.

Innovation News Daily
"One day, burglars will be able to breach houses with naught but a tuning fork!"

They're still working on the technology, so don't go throwing all your keys into the ditch screaming "FUCK YOU, KEYS, I'VE WAITED FOR THIS ALL MY LIFE!" just yet. However ... if you do have the desire to turn your phone into a door-opening device right the hell now, you can always buy theLockitron system app for a measly $300. It doesn't quite manage the whole "good vibrations" thing, but nevertheless does a fair job at opening your locks from afar -- much like your car's remote key.

"

Still, until they work their way through most kinks of the modern, power-draining smartphone, it might be a good idea to think twice before storing the only way to enter your house inside the device with the perpetually dying battery.

#1. Scanners That See Through Solid Objects

Getty

X-ray vision features pretty high on everyone's " Superpowers I'd Like to Have" list, although almost entirely for nefarious reasons. In fact, normal human life is only possible because other people can't see through closed doors, file cabinets and our clothing. Until now.

Why Google Already Controls The World

Google is no longer just a search engine. Nor has it been for some time. Now nothing can stop the God Emperor Google.

The future of Google.

Soon That will have a more ominous meaning.

No other title would fit Google better.

Just The Facts

1. Google Knows everything that happens on the internet
2. You are on the Internet aren't you?
3. Google knows you.
4. Therefore Google knows where you live.

What can Google do now

The sorter list would probably be " What can't Google do now?" Most who read Cracked already konw that they should fear Google. Google knows alot about you through an advertising algerithm known as Google Anilitics. It uses gathered information to post advertisments relevant to your interests on websites that use Google to advertise for them.

Now what is so bad about all that, It means google knows everything about you, your strengths and weaknesses. What you eat, what clothing you wear, and who your favorite Power Ranger is. (mines the Red Ranger). All this information is stored by Google and kept for a very long time. So when Google finally reveals it self as the new emperor of the world it will know what to take from you to make you its slave.

What other powers will Google use in its domination of the world how about Google Earth. Google has mapped out the world, down to houses on streets. Google knows where you live and has a detailed map of your home. When Googles Secret Police come for you ( I'll call them The Chrome), They will already know all exits to your home.

The Nazca Lines of Peru

The Mystery

The Nazca Lines of Peru were discovered in the 1930s, which, coincidentally enough, was right around the time people started flying planes high enough to see them. Much like the time we tried to confess our love to Cindy Lansmoore in 10-foot-high flaming letters on her lawn, ancient man, too, had a thing for crazy imagery that could only be seen from above. The Nazca Lines are large geoglyphs made of shallow lines dug into the earth, revealing the white ground beneath the red rocks that normally cover the area. Some are as large as 900 feet across, and the entire canvas area is about 190 square miles total, or slightly larger than the city of New Orleans.

Via lucdgbxl
Why, yes, that is a 100-foot-man waving at you.

So how did ancient, technologically deprived people build these things accurately, when we could spot them only after we successfully harnessed the power of flight? Some people believe they were either built by or were landing strips intended for visitors from another world. Author Jim Woodman thinks they might have been created by way of rudimentary hot air balloons that could give their passengers a larger view of the landscape. The pilot would direct the artists down below -- presumably by yelling really loudly (unless they also built rudimentary walkie-talkies).

Via theboywiththethorninhisside
"I SAID LEFT, YOU BASTARDS! LE- OH, VERY FUNNY -- I HOPE THAT'S A SECOND TAIL OR YOU'RE FIRED."

The Solution

Woodman actually went out of his way to make a functioning balloon from the materials the Nazca people would have had, and while that's incredibly awesome, there's no evidence that the Nazca had even the vaguest concept of balloons.

Via nott.com
Still, if they did, this would make an awesome ancient South American birthday party.

But there were wooden stakes in the ground that have been carbon-dated to the time of the Nazca, and some researchers speculate that the Nazca may have simply drawn long ropes between the stakes to create the Nazca Lines. Dr. Joe Nickell of the University of Kentucky decided to make some Nazca Lines of his very own,using only methods and equipment the Nazca would have had handy. So three men and an 11-year-old kid set out to make a giant bird in a landfill, and in only a few hours, they did just that.

No aliens -- just a bunch of sweaty dudes who dig birds.

Via Joe Nickell
Literally.

6 inspiring Rags to Riches stories(that are Bullshit)

Everyone likes a good "rags to riches" story. After all, if some dude can go from living in a cardboard box to being the CEO of a major corporation, we can do it too!

Unfortunately, it doesn't take a lot of digging into most of these stories to find out they've been, well, inflated a bit. And sometimes, they're complete bullshit.

#6.

 

Bill Gates

The Rags to Riches Story:

Bill was a college dropout who finessed his way into the upper echelons of IBM to sell his operating system. Now he sleeps on a bed made of solid gold. According to the media, Bill Gates is the Rocky Balboa of the business world. They've compared him to other college dropouts; from Kanye West to some guy who runs the IT Department at Bradley College. Gates proved that if you're smart and willing to work hard, you can build an empire! And you don't even have to go to college! Yay!

Why it's a Load of Crap:

First of all, the college Gates left was Harvard, not the community college that most of the people who cite his story are thinking of leaving. He entered Harvard by scoring 1590 out of 1600 on his SAT--the man was, and still is, a genetically mutated genius. But one with the type of parents who could afford Harvard.

Luxury office, giant window. Just your average college dropout.

In fact, Gates's parents have a lot to do with his success, and even why he was able to drop out of school. At a very young age, Bill was staying up all night experimenting with computer programming. Keep in mind, this was the late 60s and early 70s, so having access to a computer was like having access to a helicopter. He gained incredible amounts of experience because his upper class parents were able to enroll him in an exclusive prep school that had a computer available. This was only possible because Bill's father was a prominent attorney, and his mother's side of the family wasn't exactly poor either.

Later, Gates left college because it didn't provide the training in computer programming that he needed for the software business he was running on the side. It wasn't that Gates couldn't keep up at Harvard; Harvard couldn't keep up with Gates. Again, this is the kind of risk you can take when you have well-to-do parents who can get you right back into school if things don't work out. If the dude scraping by on student loans and corn dogs tries the same thing, he's probably going to wind up bussing tables at Chili's the rest of his life.

Of course here is where Gates used his genius and creativity to invent the modern operating system...

Oh, wait, no. It turns out he bought the program that would later become MS-DOS from another programmer, for a one-time fee of $50,000. He then took it to IBM and other PC manufacturers and made a pile of money big enough to ski down it.

Now, we're not saying Bill Gates isn't a smart guy or that he didn't work hard. By all accounts he puts in more hours working than most people put into being awake. But, an "Upper Middle Class Guy With an Extraordinarily Fortunate Background to Riches" story is a completely different deal than a "Rags to Riches." The dude wasn't exactly an orphan begging for scraps. And it's not like he was turning tricks as a male whore to put his start-up capital together, the way Steve Jobs did [citation needed].

#5.

 

Debbi Fields (Founder of Mrs. Fields Cookies)

The Rags to Riches Story:

According to the "About Us" section of MrsFields.com:

"Debbi Fields, a young mother with no business experience, opened her first cookie store in Palo Alto, California in 1977. They told her she was crazy. No business could survive just selling cookies. Humble beginnings launched Mrs. Fields into a worldwide celebrity."

If you're willing to ignore people who call you crazy, you too could be the nemesis of diabetics everywhere.

Why It's a Load Of Crap:

It's true Debbi Fields had no business experience. But you know what helps when you're a 20-year-old bravely entering the world of business with nothing but savvy and a cookie recipe? Being married to Randy Fields, a man who was both a decade older than her and owned a successful investment firm.

Mr. Fields, CEO.

The capital they raised to get started came via Randy's contacts. Yes, the cookies were good enough to attract customers; we would never try to disparage the power of a really good cookie. But the real success came when Randy and the company's IT Manager developed software that efficiently handled supply chain management. This kept costs low while still charging outrageous prices for the cookies.

Debbi had the financial backing of a business maverick, and sold a product everyone loved. So why did everyone call her crazy when she opened her first store? The picture gets a lot clearer when you read the bio on her personal web page. Debbie gives credit to herself, her innovations and her determination.

Did you know she invented cookies?

She also places herself in the same company as three of the world's greatest history-changing innovators: Henry Ford, Thomas Edison and Alexander Graham Bell. Apparently, keeping America's cookie jars full ranks up there with changing they the world talks, travels and learns. We're stunned she hasn't had her image carved on Mount Rushmore.

#4.

 

Jewel

The Rags to Riches Story:

Jewel lived in a van!

Jewel lived in a van!!

Jewel lived in a van!!!!!!

This line is shouted in every single story ever written about Jewel. And just in case that doesn't melt your frozen heart, the van story is almost always followed up with the fact that her family was so poor growing up that they didn't have running water.

Why it's a Load of Crap:

First, the stuff about her childhood. Her family didn't go without running water because they were poor. Jewel's father elected to drop out of society to live of the land, and settled in Alaska to do so. They were hippies, not hobos. Jewel's upbringing was unconventional, sure, but at least she didn't grow up in homeless shelters like true badasses such as KRS One, Tupac Shakur and ... Shania Twain.

"How will I take long, luxurious showers without water?"

Later, Jewel followed in her father's footsteps, choosing to quit work and live in a van to keep costs down and focus on her music. Ballsy? Sure, but all musicians live in their car for a while. Legally, you're not allowed to call yourself a musician unless you've got some sort of transient-living under your belt.

Again, we're not just talking about hard asses like Kurt Cobain, whose biography includes a spell camping out under a bridge. Creed lead "singer" Scott Stapp and Matchbox 20 front"man" Rob Thomas lived in their cars while pursuing the dream.

Don't take our word for it, take it from those celebrated rock and roll historians, Boston:

Well, we were just another band out of Boston
On the road to try to make ends meet
Playing all the bars, sleeping in our cars
And we practiced right on out in the street

Sleeping in a car is rock and roll! And she had a van; hell, that's a freaking mansion in the struggling musician world.

The inside of Jewel's van.

So common is the van in rock and roll, that there is a website dedicated to giving the van dwellers of rock an occasional couch to sleep on (at BetterThanTheVan.com).

So why don't we hear about Scott Stapp, Rob Thomas and Shania Twain's hard ass upbringings as much as Jewel's? Well, it would seem that Jewel's tale of unprecedented hardship might be part of a calculated PR strategy. For instance, if you're tired of the van story, her online bios will have you know that she also "washed her hair in public restrooms, subsisted on carrots and peanut butter, fell in with street gangs, dated older men and even shoplifted." Come on guys. This isn't high school, it's rock and roll. If you're going to be the bad girl, you're going to have to give us something a little worse than "dating older men," and a little less hilariously far-fetched than "gang involvement." Stevie Nix's PR team should have some suggestions.

#3.

 

Abraham Lincoln

The Rags to Riches Story:

We know what you're thinking. "Lincoln? You found a way to put Lincoln on a list with fucking Jewel?"

Relax; Lincoln is not complicit in this. American History did it for him.

Everybody who went to school in the USA (or reads inspirational email forwards) has heard about Lincoln's dirt-poor childhood and climb to the top:

1. He grew up in a small cabin, doing his homework by scratching the equations into his dirt floor;

2. His family was forced out of their home and he had to work to support them;

3. His business failed repeatedly;

4. He ran for Vice President, but got only 110 votes;

5. He overcame his long, long string of hardships and failures and finally was elected President of the United States.

Why it's a load of Crap:

Yes, he did grow up in a small cabin. Just like most everybody else whose father decided to make their mark on the great American frontier. Your choices were farming on the frontier or slaving in the factories of an increasing industrialized society. Lincoln's father decided he'd rather rough it than, say, get his arm melted off in an iron smelting furnace.

So while Lincoln didn't have a flushing toilet or a plasma screen TV, he grew up in a reasonably normal home for the time. His father was a successful farmer and the only reason they left Kentucky was over a legal issue with the land title.

As Snopes points out, once Lincoln was on his own, he did have one business go under (a general store in Illinois) but the very next year after opening it he won a seat in the Illinois legislature. So his long hard string of business failures actually consisted of a few months in 1833-34, after which his political career bloomed.

"It took courage, but I eventually overcame my temporary and painless unemployment."

Then there's the retarded thing about him running for Vice President and getting "only 110 votes." One, this wasn't a popular election, these are delegate votes (and there were only 363 of them). And Lincoln didn't run for the office, he was nominated without his knowledge. The votes he got came despite the fact that he didn't campaign and was barely known outside of Illinois. That's actually pretty impressive. He was a rising star; the very next election put him in the White House.

Again, we're not saying Lincoln wasn't a great man. He was. But tell the story in context, guys. Besides, why are we focusing on that "log cabin" bullshit when we should be talking about how he could have become a professional wrestler if he had wanted.

#2.

 

JK Rowling

The Rags to Riches Story:

Every single article and every single Harry Potter book jacket seems to work in JK Rowling's humble beginnings as a single mother on government assistance. She then pulled herself up by her bootstraps and wrote one of the most successful series of books in the history of words.

Why it's a Load of Crap:

It's one thing to be born into poverty and claw your way out of it. However, it's a whole different game when your two-year stint on welfare is part of your business plan. Welcome to the Rowling School of Writing.

Rowling's welfare assistance wasn't out of total desperation, it was out of choice. She was an educated teacher who left her job when she had a child. After that, she chose not to work and, instead, collected welfare to get the time to write her book.

While we are not denying for one moment that trying to care for a child, write a book and work full time would be very difficult, we will say that it's not impossible. People do it. Instead, she basically got her book advance courtesy of UK citizens. She also got a generous arts grant (unprecedented for an unknown author) to complete her work when the welfare check wasn't cutting it.

So this was a person who did spend a very brief time in rags, but she went to the store and hand-picked the rags she chose to wear.

And now she has a throne.

#1.

 

Kurt Warner

The Rags to Riches Story:

We've all gotten the email about a young man named Kurtis and a pretty girl named Brenda, who worked at a local super market together. They met, got married and the (twist) ending is that Kurtis became Kurt Warner: The man who went from stocking groceries to winning a Superbowl MVP!

So all you dudes out there, grinding away long hours in the stockroom stacking dog food and altering the expiration dates on the sour cream; you used to play some ball in school, right? This could be you! Hanging onto those dreams doesn't make you like that sad uncle in Napoleon Dynamite! You're just the next "Kurtis" Warner!

Why it's a Load of Crap:

You know how long Kurt Warner actually stocked groceries for? According to Warner himself, "A few weeks." So how did he have time to meet his wife, and reenact the entire plot of a romantic comedy? He didn't. The tale is just as fictional as the above rags to riches stories. And even worse, the real story is actually more interesting.

More interesting than he looks, somehow.

Just like Gates, Warner was incredibly gifted from a young age. He was his college conference's offensive player of the year as a senior. He and Brenda met when he was a promising college quarterback, and when he couldn't land a job in the NFL, he went to the Arena league and was a star there. He went to play in Europe, starred there, then got picked up on an NFL roster.

So he was never "Kurtis the Stockboy." He was always Kurt Warner, that guy waiting for a roster spot to open up in the NFL. Finally, he got his chance with the Rams thanks to the inspirational drive and determination of safety Rodney Harrison, who destroyed the knee of the guy starting ahead of Warner (Trent Green) in an exhibition game. The rest is history.

Inspiration strikes!

But as Deadspin recently pointed out, the real tragedy of this particular heaping spoonful of sugar-coated bullshit is that it downplays what the couple--particularly Kurt's wife--really went through.

In reality, Brenda caught more bad breaks than most blues musicians sing about in an entire career. She's a former Marine, and was married to another Marine before she met Kurt. Her first husband developed a brain tumor that would cause immense seizures. So much so, that one attack caused him to drop their newborn baby, resulting in permanent brain damage. Their marriage fell apart.

A few years later, her parents were killed by a goddamn tornado.

Brenda, in a rare moment of not getting shit on by life.

The fact that she didn't collapse into a drunken heap--or go on a shooting spree--means she should have a fucking email forward of her own, instead of being the female prop for Kurt's tale. She's the one who made it to hell and back; he's just one of countless dudes who "persevered" as a pro athlete because he wasn't qualified to do anything else (see: grocery bagging job).

Also, they appear to be aging in reverse like Benjamin Button.

But now he's set to play in the Super Bowl--again--and they're both filthy rich. Good for them (and by them, we mean Brenda). It's not like they don't deserve it. But like with Mr. Gates, the real moral of the story is that talent and hard work are great ... but success may never have come without a whole bunch of help along the way. We just hope that every Christmas the Warner family sends a very large gift basket to one Mr. Rodney Harrison.